Sunday, February 21, 2010

Set Backs Can Push You Forward

So my recovery process has had its fair share of ups and downs, which are to be expected. I briefly wrote about the Monday post op trip to the hospital and how it actually pushed me forward to feel better....

Well how was I supposed to know it was going to happen again? My stitches finally came out on Thursday and I was elated. The doctor told me I was healing great and should only have a few more weeks of taking it easy but I HAD to take it easy. My steroids were to end Sunday (today) and there was possibility that swelling and leak would come back. Well all I knew was Thursday night I slept through the night for the first time since my surgery and I felt like a whole new person. I spent the day with my dad, and yes in the process finally went to get my name changed, only 5 months later....

So Friday I was pretty beat so Ryan and I took it easy for the most part ... you see there is this pesky shelf in our downstairs bathroom that really wasn't hanging on the hinges right. I reached up grab some TP and the whole thing came falling down right toward me, natural instinct is to reach out and catch it.....well 3 weeks post brain surgery that instinct probably wasn't one I should have done and I did. So Ryan came rushing home like I broke myself in half, I was so mad at him....I was fine. I get upset that everything thinks I'm going to break. Well anyway we took it easy the rest of the night.

Saturday morning we got up and went to get breakfast at this amazing new diner here in Cranberry and then headed to the homefront to visit with the parentals. On the way out there I felt something wet on the back of my head and just brushed it off thinking the ever melting icicles got me. Well we were sitting at his parents house and I noticed that my head was getting more wet so I pointed it out to Ryan, we just decided to keep our eye on it. I really wasn't feeling well but didn't say anything because I was happy to be out of the house!! Well the leak kept happening and I figured it was just because my stitches came out, I knew to expect some fluid.

When we were sitting at my mom and dads I felt a sharp pain shoot up my head so I figured at the point we should go home. We stopped to pick Sugar up at his parents and guess what, I freaking slip on ice and throw my body into the wall so I don't fall. OUCH........

When we get home my leak is getting worse so we start googling and decide to call Dr. Beijanni. He wanted me to wait the night out and if it got worse head back to the hospital. I finally fell into a drug induced coma at about 1am and at about 6am rolled over on the couch and realized I was soaked. Yup looked like just got out of the shower but I didn't....so down to the hospital we went. 5 more stitches later and some antibiotics with one more steroid to take I sit here wondering why is it when I take 2 steps forward it feels as though I pushed 4 steps back....I'm on watch for the next 48 hours to make sure the stitches hold and the meningitis doesn't come back....


So what I have learned is that I am not superwoman no matter how much I want to be. It is OK for me to admit defeat from time to time and take it easy. I'm never going to heal if I keep pushing myself to do things I'm not ready to do. And the whole 2 steps forward to get pushed back 4 thing, that is life, and I of all people know that. Its these instances that make us stronger...these are the incidents we should welcome because they help shape us into the people that we want to be. I can't get discouraged about my situation especially when there are so many others out there that are going through so much more and carry themselves with such grace and integrity that makes you want to be better. So the lesson learned here today is use these setbacks as stepping stones to improve your future and strengthen your heart, mind and soul, for it is through these setbacks that we discover our true potential and become the amazing people that God wants us to be.

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